5. An Amazing Discovery

“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvellous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.” (Psalm 139:14, NKJ)

I hope you are as encouraged by that verse as much as I am. Sometimes we may question why God made us as He did, especially if we are not quite like other people. And even others may think we’re a bit different and not understand us.

Well, for me, I never saw that I had any problem. But for some reason, that I couldn’t understand, I caused problems for others…. especially my family. To me, I felt pretty normal, and I am. I just see the world a bit differently, and I sometimes behave inappropriately, but don’t see it when I do. I’ve been married 23 years, and during that time I have unintentionally made Phil feel excluded. I haven’t always communicated how I felt or thought… and it’s not because I didn’t want to, but rather, I hadn’t seen the need to do so. I guess I forget that other people can’t read my thoughts, and I assume they know what I’m doing, without my having to tell them. But it tires me to try and explain myself all the time.

So why did God make me like this? Is it strange that I’d prefer not to talk too much, and that I like spending lots of time alone, and being quiet, thinking and observing? But that is who I am.

And just this week I’ve discovered society has a name for this, and it’s called “autism”. Well that was a bit of a blow out for me. When I thought of autism, I thought of “Rain Man” and “Forest Gump”. However, I’ve discovered since that there are different degrees of it, and mine is a milder case, known as Asperger Syndrom, or “Aspie” for short.

Then again, I’m not in too bad a company. I just read that “some historians suggest that Einstein, Mozart, and Alan Turing (the inventor of the first electronic computer) may all have been diagnosable with Asperger’s.” Click the link to read more about Asperger’s.

Discovering this has been a great relief for me, not to mention the relief it is for my husband and family.

So now that we know this (and boy it’s taken many years to discover), we can all do things to accommodate it. In the natural realm, I know three things I need for my peace of mind, and they are, order, quietness and simplicity. Clutter, disorder and a lot of noise, cause me a lot of frustration, and the first two I really have to work on, as my place is so disorderly and cluttered at the moment.

Having said all that, I have found the Internet a real release for me to be able to communicate, writing down my thoughts and how I feel. I don’t express my feelings as much in a verbal way… and I tend to be uneasy in showing affection, which has been a real struggle for Phil. So writing all this down has been good therapy. I’m able to express myself in a way I haven’t been able to before. And praise the Lord, He is using me in this way.

And over the years, being a bit of a “recluse”, I have spent much of that time studying my Bible and enjoyed being with God. It was always a relief for me to spend time in the Lord’s presence… I knew He understood me without me having to say anything. I didn’t need to explain myself to Him. He knew me, because He made me. So all that is a good thing, because in those times, He has taught me and given me lots to share with others.

I remember once, after reading stories about the persecuted Christians, and that they didn’t have access a Bible, but they memorise the bits of it they had, I said to the Lord, “I want to know Your Word so well that if I didn’t have it, I’d still have it in my heart.” And do you know, I believe God honoured and answered that prayer.

This has made me seem a little unusual to some people, because the thing I know best in life is my Bible… but still I realise, I don’t really know it. But what I do know, the Lord is allowing me to share that on the Internet with pics and with writing. This is the most fulfilled I’ve felt in many years. Before this, I had a knowledge of the Scriptures, but had no real outlet to share it. Now, I am so grateful to God that He has given me this opportunity. I believe this is the work that God has put me here to do. Ten years ago, this would not have been possible to do. But amazingly, God uses technology for His glory to allow His Word to be spread. Jesus did say to go into all the world and preach the gospel. WOW! What an opportunity the Lord gives us.

God has made us all unique, and even if we may seem a bit different to the rest of society, He has a special purpose for us and for making us as He did. He needs those who are a bit “off centre”. God uses our weaknesses for His glory, so don’t be discouraged, God will, and I believe He is using each one of our circumstances. And, hey, being an “Aspie” doesn’t seem such a bad thing. In fact, I think I like it!!

And I smile as I say all this, because my cat has just jumped up. I’ve always found a comfort in a cat… they accept you as you are, and are great companionship. She seems to understand me, and I’m the only one around here who understands her. I think she’s an Aspie too. See I told you a was wacky!! As a kid, I always had a cat, and found tremendous comfort in them. I think I’ll always have a cat. They are so simple and so contented and so relaxing!!… and sometimes annoying!!

Well, I guess I must feed her!! I thanks God for cats too!!

I thank God, and I celebrate who I am! May we all celebrate how God has made us all unique!! And some of us more unique than others!!!

Or as a friend of mine said: “We ought to CELEBRATE WHO WE ARE! Each of us, in our own unique way, is a gift from God to the world.”

There just may be others out there reading this who can identify. If you have any questions about this post, I am only too willing to answer them. Thanks for taking the time to read this.